Monday, August 16, 2010

Coming full circle

When Chad and I first decided we were ready for babies - we assumed that it would happen quickly and easily. After the first couple of months, you are still hopeful, but as the months go on, and nothing happens, the hope diminishes. If you are fairly young - the docs don't even really want to hear from you until you have been trying for 6-12 months. You try everything. Ovulation tests, temperature tracking, keeping your hips elevated after sex - certain that one of these methods will be the answer. When it's not, it's devastating. No matter how obsessed your NOT going to get about getting pregnant, I have seen few succeed. The desire for a baby is not the same as the desire for a new pair of shoes, or a darling purse. Slowly it consumes you. As the months go by, you see friends and family members celebrate their pregnancies. As much as you love your friends and family, and want to be genuinely happy,it just hurts so much. Why them? Why not me?

I know that so many of my friends and family members had to break the news to Chad and I of their expectant joys. Now, I understand how hard it had to have been for them. Loving us, watching us hurt and yet needing to share their joy.

God doesn't always bring us full circle, but in this circumstance I have the difficult and yet amazing opportunity to stand where my friends stood years ago. It's so fascinating to me how He works.

There were two phone calls we dreaded making when we decided to let people know about our pregnancy. One of the calls went perfectly, the other one still hurts my heart. I hope those two ladies know how aware I was of them in those moments. How much I long for their dreams to come true too. How in my dreams, I imagine this all happened now so that we could have babies close together...

For now, I have to assume that God has equipped me for this. Hands on training I guess. Years and years of hands on training.

1 comment:

  1. I completely understand both sides of this and so excited for you:)