I found some old jeans...

I was cleaning out my closet this morning and I came across an old pair of jeans. I thought I had gotten rid of all my "fat" clothes, so I was pretty surprised to find these.

They are a size 20.

One leg is the same width of my entire body.

I look at them and can't believe they ever fit. When I showed Chad, he didn't believe that they were mine. Then he said, "how did I never notice..."

I have been hearing that a lot lately. My sister never saw my size, she only saw her sister. Alyssa is amazed by my weight loss - but me now seems like the me she's always known. Deana always just saw her friend - not her friends size. From my perspective, this is so hard to understand. How did they not see? Especially Chad. I mean REALLY? At first, I wondered if they were just saying that to be nice. But Chad's surprise tonight tells me the truth. They never saw the fat - only the friend. Amazing. Truly. Because I still see the fat. If only I could see myself the way they do.

I am definitely a work in progress. When I go back and read my very first posts - I was clearly in such a dark and sad place. I can barely stand to read those words. The transformation has been tremendous, both physically and emotionally. A work in progress... and everyday that I wake up, is another chance to continue working on myself.

I am going to keep these jeans. As a reminder, as inspiration and motivation. I need something that shows me where I was - and I need it to remind me never to return.