Just another belly picture.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Here is a picture of me at week 17. Everything seems to be going along just fine - which is of course still pretty astounding to me. Our ultrasound has been moved to the 19th of November, so the countdown has begun! I can't wait to find out who is in there!!!

I have been struggling with some hypoglycemia, mostly due to my struggle with not gaining too much weight - but my midwife and my counselor, and my friends and family (of course) are helping me through it.

I keep looking at all the blogs that have amazing decorating pictures like my cousin Lissa's, and wishing I was good at decorating. Our work on the nursery begins next weekend - and I am struggling with unique ideas. Thank goodness my husband has a better eye for stuff like that than I do!

It's so hard to believe that tomorrow is November 1st. If you ask me - the year is basically over. These last few weeks will be so busy and will go by so fast! Before we know it we will be struggling to write 2011 on our checks!

A maze, a game and then I crashed.

I have always been a woman on the go. Who isn't these days?? But ever since I got pregnant, I have HAD to slow down. I just can't cram quite as many things into a day as I used to. I NEED SLEEP. I love being home. I have never considered myself a homebody - but I sure am now.

As this last weekend approached, I found myself kind of dreading it. Literally, every single hour had something scheduled. I am not sure how this happened, but it did, and there was nothing I could do about it. Everything planned was fun - but there was just too much planned.

It started Friday with the annual banquet for my kids school. I had to leave early because I was falling asleep at my table.

Saturday, I was up at 6:00 and at the grocery store by 6:30. My son had football and then we headed north to Craven Farms for some pumpkin picking and a corn maze with our dearest friends The Jensen's. After getting soaked in the corn maze, we headed even farther north to The Jensen's house for dinner and a little Pinochle before making the 2 hour drive back home. WOW!

Sunday was similar, although it did start out with a transformer blowing and knocking out our power. That was fun! Then is was a 9:30am departure to get the kids to Auntie Shannon's so that Chad and I could enjoy a date. We watched our Seattle Seahawks kick the patootie out of the Arizona Cardinals. It was a great game (I have told you how I feel about football...) but it was cold and I was exhausted. After the game, we had dinner with Chad's parents one last time before they head to Arizona for the winter. We got home around 11. Ugh!

Needless to say - we were all exhausted. Chad forgot to set his alarm, I must have turned mine off. The only reason we woke up at all was because poor little Hope had a nightmare at 6:00am (I usually get up at 4:30). I promptly sent her back to bed; said a kind of bad word and then proceeded to run around like a chicken with my head cut off.

My saving grace?? A call from the kids school saying the power was out and school was delayed until 11:00.

I went back to bed.

Today is one of those days...

Today is hard for me. I am just being honest.

You see, I have never done "normal" when it comes to pregnancy, so "normal" is hard for me. Isaac, who was conceived via fertility treatment is as "normal" as it gets for me. Even that felt surrounded with interventions. I had multiple ultrasounds - usually because the doctor couldn't find Isaac's heartbeat. If I ever wondered if things were okay with him, I just said something - and the doctor would order an ultrasound. I had a total of 7.

Every other pregnancy after Isaac has ended with no baby. My pregnancy history is not great. Most days, I do okay. But days like today - when it seems that Satan has a grip on my heart - I really struggle. Every twinge scares me. Every ache makes me question. This isn't a fun place to be. I am grateful that I know it will be short lived.

This time, as bizarre as the whole thing seems, it appears that everything is going perfect. My midwife found the heartbeat at 10 weeks - which is relatively early. I have had typical symptoms; an 8 week ultrasound to confirm dates - but other than that, there have been no sneak peaks. It's so opposite of Isaac's pregnancy. I keep thinking, "if I could just take a look..."

I am kind of at that strange point in pregnancy where I feel great (no more morning sickness), my belly is getting bigger - but I don't feel baby move yet except those fun little flutters that happen here and there. I am ready for some bigger movements to help remind me "hey mom. I am in here..."

I say that now - but I also know there will be nights, when I am exhausted and the very thing I am asking for will keep me awake for hours.

So today, I am just trying to make it to tomorrow when I can wake up and start over again. Yay for do-overs! I guess we all have days like this....

October 19, 2010

It is hard to believe it is already the 19th of October! Where has the year gone?

My kids Halloween costumes came yesterday. They were so excited and had to put them on right away. Isaac woke up this morning - 45 minutes early just so he could spend sometime hanging out in his costume. Wasn't it just summer??? How can we be at Halloween already??? It feels like this year is just flying by...

and then not so much.

Is it possible for time to fly by AND go at snails pace at the same time? This pregnancy seems to be going so slow. I say that now - but I guarantee you - when I am holding my newborn in my arms, I am sure I will be amazed at how fast the months went by!

Time is probably going slow because I am way too excited about my November 22nd ultrasound to find out exactly who I am growing. I can't wait! I can't wait! I should start thinking of a fabulously creative blog post to tell you all the news... I better get on that!

Week 14

When I got pregnant and decided to stop blogging, I told myself that it was because I never wanted to be another pregnancy blog. My mission was to share my weight loss story and hopefully help and inspire others who were struggling with the same challenge. It's truly amazing how we can convince ourselves of just about anything.

What I have realized now that my first trimester is over, is that getting pregnant, being pregnant and recovering from pregnancy is part of my weight loss journey. If I learned anything from the last two years, it's that I will finish, I am not a quitter and victory will be mine. I might be nursing a baby when I finish - but I will finish.

That folks is where I hope the inspiration comes. I hope that is where my story becomes real and motivating.

There is no shame in how my body is changing. There is only glory in what is happening. It has taken me a while to acknowledge and accept that. The cool part of having lost 115 pounds before getting pregnant this time, is that I actually get to look pregnant. When I was pregnant with Isaac, I was overweight and no one could tell I was pregnant until I was in my 7th month. This time is so different.

So here we go folks. Its not the way I though my weight loss story would go, but it's definitely a story with twists and turns. I hope you'll stick with me until the end...

Living in what's true.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praise worthy - think about such things."

Philippians 4:6-8. NIV

I know it's been a while. I know it may not make sense. But this has been hard for me. Being pregnant is hard for me. It is shocking and scary. There is a lot of baggage here to unpack. I have lost so much. I spent the first 12 weeks assuming that my baby would die. I thought for sure that once I saw the heartbeat, heard the heartbeat, I would be fine. I would believe that this baby would be fine. I was prepared for it all to not be fine. It's so sad. The sadder part is this...

I honestly feel like I deserve for it to go wrong. I don't deserve a healthy pregnancy, or a great delivery, or a healthy baby. Why??? I have no idea. The truth is that none of us deserve the great things we have. None of us deserved a Heavenly Father who is crazy about us. And yet...He is. Absolutely, 100 percent nuts about us.

This weekend, I am away for a girls weekend. I am at the ocean with my best friend. I am relaxed and I am broken. I slept beautifully. Fell asleep to the sound of the wind and the rain and the ocean. I finished a book. I confided to Deana and I cried. I cried into the pillow. I sobbed. I am broken. Deana shared Philippians 4:6-8 with me and I cried more. It is time.

It is time for me to live in what it true. Today's truth is, whether or not I think I deserve it, I am pregnant, with a healthy baby. I have an amazing husband who works hard and adores his family. I have two gorgeous, well behaved children. I have an amazing job. This is my truth. This is where I must live. In my daily truth.

Wherever you are. However you are hurting. Find what's true in your world. Rest in that. Find comfort in that. Your joy is there, and your Heavenly Father who adores you - will meet you there.