Saturday, October 9, 2010

Living in what's true.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praise worthy - think about such things."

Philippians 4:6-8. NIV

I know it's been a while. I know it may not make sense. But this has been hard for me. Being pregnant is hard for me. It is shocking and scary. There is a lot of baggage here to unpack. I have lost so much. I spent the first 12 weeks assuming that my baby would die. I thought for sure that once I saw the heartbeat, heard the heartbeat, I would be fine. I would believe that this baby would be fine. I was prepared for it all to not be fine. It's so sad. The sadder part is this...

I honestly feel like I deserve for it to go wrong. I don't deserve a healthy pregnancy, or a great delivery, or a healthy baby. Why??? I have no idea. The truth is that none of us deserve the great things we have. None of us deserved a Heavenly Father who is crazy about us. And yet...He is. Absolutely, 100 percent nuts about us.

This weekend, I am away for a girls weekend. I am at the ocean with my best friend. I am relaxed and I am broken. I slept beautifully. Fell asleep to the sound of the wind and the rain and the ocean. I finished a book. I confided to Deana and I cried. I cried into the pillow. I sobbed. I am broken. Deana shared Philippians 4:6-8 with me and I cried more. It is time.

It is time for me to live in what it true. Today's truth is, whether or not I think I deserve it, I am pregnant, with a healthy baby. I have an amazing husband who works hard and adores his family. I have two gorgeous, well behaved children. I have an amazing job. This is my truth. This is where I must live. In my daily truth.

Wherever you are. However you are hurting. Find what's true in your world. Rest in that. Find comfort in that. Your joy is there, and your Heavenly Father who adores you - will meet you there.

1 comment:

  1. You deserve it. Live your life, be happy and embrace what you are given. All of it comes with great love and everyone does in fact deserve that.