Sunday, March 7, 2010

Long Road Ahead

One of the things I would say is a requirement if you are interested in losing any weight at all - and to keep it off is to make sure you have a great doctor. Check in with them regularly. I love my doctor. She is healthy and fit - and I would NEVER hear her say "don't smoke" and then find her outside on break lighting up. She is a fabulous example for me.
I have checked in with her every couple of months since the beginning of the journey. She is the one who has set my ultimate goal, and she will be the one to tell me when I am finished. I have always enjoyed my appointments with her. It has always felt more like we were friends.

Last week was one of my check in appointments. We went over my diet (she loves the CLEAN diet by the way...) talked about my exercise, my training, my ankle that has been bothering me. We talked about everything really. I felt like the appointment went well, so I was surprised at the end when she handed me a business card for a therapist and recommended counseling. It took me a few days to process what she told me next.
To some extent the process of losing over 100 pounds requires and almost insane and obsessive commitment to excise and calorie reduction. Losing over 100 pounds takes such a long time that the obsessing easily becomes ingrained in who you are becoming. When you have a stubborn control freak like me, and couple it with the insane obsession of losing over 100 pounds - the end result can easily be an eating disorder. My doctor thinks that has happened.

It's so hard for me to write this. I didn't mean for this to happen. I only wanted to be healthy and now I feel like such a gigantic disappointment. Especially to those of you who don't know me.
The important thing to know - is that I did call the counselor she recommended. It will be good for me to talk to someone and learn how to live a normal life once I have reached my ideal goal. My doctor does believe that with the help of a counselor and the support of my team, I will be able to complete this journey and go on to have a healthy relationship with food. That is what I want. I don't want to gain the weight back, so I am going to have to be taught how to live after the diet. I have lost too much time with my family - and my friends to not go to counseling and ensure my long term success.

Nobody likes counseling... I will probably need a Costco pack of Kleenex. This is going to be hard in a different way, but I am going to do this even though its a long, tough road ahead. I would appreciate your prayers...and I so thankful for everyone's support. I need it now, more than ever.


  1. It truly makes sense that this piece would be needed in healing our bodies...not just the outside, but the inside too. I'm thankful you've shared this part of your journey, I'm sure many of us will need it too, but wouldn't have known if you hadn't mentioned this.

    Prayers for you to continue this brave journey(Hey, maybe you need to also reward yourself on a Brave Girl trip!) I will be sending many good thoughts and prayers your way!


  2. Mikal~

    I was thinking of going to Brave Girl Camp next year...maybe February. Just have to figure out the money part...

    Thank you for the kind words. I needed that. My heart hurts and I am scared. Thanks for reading and praying!


  3. Jetta:
    I'm here for you if you want to chat. As I started my cleanse I also new I needed to do some inside work as well and figure out what led me here. So glad you are going to "talk it out" and find a healthy realationship with food. No matter what happens you will always be an inspriration to me. I'm also thinking about Brave Girl Camp. Ever since reading Lissa's posts about it I know it's something I have to do.

    Much love

  4. I'm so glad you have a good support system. Good doctors can be hard to find. :)

    I'll be praying for you.

  5. This is the part that they leave out of The Biggest Loser. I'm so proud of you for committing to this goal and getting there but I'm more proud that you are able to recognize the not-so-great ending. This is the part that matters the most! You go, girl!

  6. NarNar- I feel like the lord wants you to know and remember the verse where it says that he who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it! He didn't bring you this far to have you fail and be miserable! This is just a little bump in the road like every journey has and it will make you stronger in the end. Think of it as maybe a blessing in disguise. He wants to heal you completely not just your weight and body, but your emotions also. I am so proud of you and am going to be praying for you a lot this week! Remember not to be discouraged because he has come to give you life in all it's fullness! I am here if you need me!

  7. Hi Jetta,
    Listen to the song that you have playing....YOU are so much stronger than you think you are. 100????? Think about that. Of course you will have slips, but you have cheer leaders ALL around you, who will help. Pish Posh to those who do not believe. Stand tall Jetta....YOU are MY inspiration!

  8. What?!? I personally LOVE counseling, totally serious. I hope you end up loving it too. I will say that each counselor is also human and if it just isn't a good fit for you and feels off somehow, find a different one! Off, like off, not hard. :D Here is how I view counseling... we all have something to offer. None of us are better, more important, etc., if our offerings are different. A counselor is there to offer you the tools they happen to know about and know how to use. This isn't a negative on your journey at all. You haven't done anything "wrong." This is an opportunity to have some more tools in your toolbox to move forward with on this project we call life!! I was taught that when we learn something new we undershoot and overshoot until we get it right. Your relationship with food, like the rest of us here, is a work in progress. Perhaps you've overshot...that's your doc's guess, you'll find out if that is the case or not. Please don't think this means something is wrong with you or you messed up, or any of the other lies we tell ourself. I'm so excited for you to move forward and to hear about all you'll continue to learn!! You are an amazing woman, a daughter of God and he loves you and is sending you the tools/people you need to help you get to where you deserve to be! I'm glad you kept this post up!!

  9. Counseling sounds like a good idea to me. I've seen so many people fail because they didn't get to the root of the problem for their food addiction. You have worked far too hard and wasted far too much of your life in misery to not end your journey as healthy as possible. Both physically and emotionally. I'll be praying for you Jetta. Your courage and openness are refreshing to me.

    You could do a Kleenex drive and have all of us send you a box each week or month? ;)