Long Road Ahead

One of the things I would say is a requirement if you are interested in losing any weight at all - and to keep it off is to make sure you have a great doctor. Check in with them regularly. I love my doctor. She is healthy and fit - and I would NEVER hear her say "don't smoke" and then find her outside on break lighting up. She is a fabulous example for me.
I have checked in with her every couple of months since the beginning of the journey. She is the one who has set my ultimate goal, and she will be the one to tell me when I am finished. I have always enjoyed my appointments with her. It has always felt more like we were friends.

Last week was one of my check in appointments. We went over my diet (she loves the CLEAN diet by the way...) talked about my exercise, my training, my ankle that has been bothering me. We talked about everything really. I felt like the appointment went well, so I was surprised at the end when she handed me a business card for a therapist and recommended counseling. It took me a few days to process what she told me next.
To some extent the process of losing over 100 pounds requires and almost insane and obsessive commitment to excise and calorie reduction. Losing over 100 pounds takes such a long time that the obsessing easily becomes ingrained in who you are becoming. When you have a stubborn control freak like me, and couple it with the insane obsession of losing over 100 pounds - the end result can easily be an eating disorder. My doctor thinks that has happened.

It's so hard for me to write this. I didn't mean for this to happen. I only wanted to be healthy and now I feel like such a gigantic disappointment. Especially to those of you who don't know me.
The important thing to know - is that I did call the counselor she recommended. It will be good for me to talk to someone and learn how to live a normal life once I have reached my ideal goal. My doctor does believe that with the help of a counselor and the support of my team, I will be able to complete this journey and go on to have a healthy relationship with food. That is what I want. I don't want to gain the weight back, so I am going to have to be taught how to live after the diet. I have lost too much time with my family - and my friends to not go to counseling and ensure my long term success.

Nobody likes counseling... I will probably need a Costco pack of Kleenex. This is going to be hard in a different way, but I am going to do this even though its a long, tough road ahead. I would appreciate your prayers...and I so thankful for everyone's support. I need it now, more than ever.