Friday, April 30, 2010

Scared to look...

Ever since I wrote the "stalled out" blog - I have been thinking alot about some of the mental / emotional reasons that may have helped with the stall out. This may not be the only thing - but what I have realized is this...

I am really scared to look.

It's like my body (the one I am working towards) is this huge mystery to me. I have never been smaller than I am now. I have no idea what I look like smaller - and quite frankly -I am freaked out!

What if I don't like how I look when I am done?

Next year, Chad and I are renewing our vows in Hawaii. I REALLY want to wear a strapless dress for the "wedding" and a bikini (board shorts with a bikini top) on the beach. These are great goals, and I have more than a year to accomplish them - but what if I do all this work, and still can't wear a bikini or a strapless dress?

While I get that my looks and size don't determine who I am as a person, a mom, a wife and a friend - I have to be honest and say - that will be a HUGE disappointment.



  1. renewing your vows in Hawaii...that's amazing...
    and just think what if you can:)

  2. I love that pic. I feel that way too.
    One step at a time momma. How is your foot? speaking of stepping.

  3. If you do all that work and CAN'T wear the dress or bikini? Who says you can't? There's no reason you can't, even right now...that's just letting the dress and bikini call the shots. Jetta, you call the shots! That's the girl I know, anyway. :) ILY

  4. I knew I'd love you the minute I clicked on your blog and How Great Is Our God, one of my all-time favorite songs, was playing. :)

    Something my Weight Watcher leader said yesterday has really hit home with me. She said so many people lose a lot of weight and are still disappointed in how their body looks. Most of us don't look like the movie stars do in a bikini. We never will, no matter how had we try.

    But you're going to look the best you've ever looked in your life. I mean seriously, a size 8! That is so totally awesome. Totally. :)