This morning was tough for me. Today was my sister in laws bachelorette party and personal shower. It was an all day event. Normally, pretty exciting - except today when I was getting ready, the person in the mirror weighed 265 pounds again. Such a devastating feeling! Here's the deal - I was getting ready for a party with women who I have always believed were prettier, thinner, happier, richer than me. I noticed that my attitude sucked this morning. I only had a few hours with my kids and I was impatient, short and irritated. I got in the car to leave and I felt so crappy that all I wanted to do was eat. I drove to Starbucks and ordered my new favorite drink (tall soy pumpkin spice latte) and the darn pumpkin loaf that has 390 calories. That would make me feel better....I was sure of it.The line was kind of long, so I had a few minutes to sit and process what was happening. I was wanting to eat because I felt so crappy about myself, but the reality was if I ate that pumpkin loaf I would not only feel crappy about myself, but I would also be pissed off and disappointed in myself. I realized that getting that pumpkin loaf was actually NOT going to fix anything. When I finally got to the window - I told the employee that I had changed my mind about the pumpkin loaf. She tried to persuade me - but I stayed strong and refused.
Driving away from Starbucks, I actually felt victorious. Like I had accomplished something kind of big. I realized and acknowledged the insignificance that dumb pumpkin loaf had in my life and I refused it. I felt SO proud of myself!!!
I am happy to say, that victory had such a tremendous impact on my attitude. I spent the hour long drive thinking, singing, crying....when it was all said and done - I had a fabulous day - one that began with one of life's little victories.
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No one there today was any prettier, better, or ANYTHING than you! I actually was quite impressed with you and enjoy this new happy jetta very, very much! And in 13 days we're going to dance our butts off!!!
ReplyDeleteI don't know what you are feeling. But I want to let you know that beauty is within! I know you have heard that before. I am sure of it but keep reminding yourself of that. And you did it by turning away that pumpkin bread! You are victorious! You made one big step...yippee
ReplyDeleteHello, I just learned of your blog from reading Lissa's... I am on my health journey this year, and I can tell you'll be a great inspiration to me.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing!
Mikal
Way to go! Those are my two favorites at Starbucks. I never knew that pumpkin loaf had so many calories. I'm sure I'll be super inspired by your blog. I'm a total emotional eater myself. Thanks for sharing! xo
ReplyDeleteWay to go!! There are many things I would like to say...but as a stranger feel like I shouldn't (they are about me, that's all). Little victories are really quite huge, so definitely celebrate, and feel proud. :)
ReplyDeleteHi...I'm new to your blog, I came over from Humble Pie, which I'm also new to. I saw the post about your blog and was immediately intrigued. I really hear your heart in how you have described your journey and how you feel and the thoughts you have. I'm on a similar path and I couldn't agree more with you when you said this isn't just about weight loss, it's about healing. Please stop by and visit my blog. There are two posts in particular I think you may enjoy. They are Released and More on Released.
ReplyDeleteYou're doing an awesome job, and remember that Starbucks victory when the temptation comes back. You can do it!!
Hello-
ReplyDeleteI am new to your blog. I came over from Humble Pie and am sure glad that I did. I LOVE your blog name. It totally rocks and fits right on with the mission you are on. Another blog member Ali Edwards has a One Word selection each year for the New Year and I selected, "Restore." When I saw your blog name, I just about fell out because the purpose of your blog name and my selection in the word restore have the same concept. I am looking forward to reading your blog and going through this journey with you as I myself am on a mission to rediscover, restore and regain my self. Reading your blog and the resources that you list will help me to achieve my goals.
Welcome to the blog world and the very best of luck to you!
My dear sweet friend ... I cannot even begin to explain how VERY proud I am of you, especially after what you've accomplished in that "Little Victory" yesterday. Whether you believe it yet or not, you are accomplishing so many things that most people wouldn't even begin. The step you took to stand strong and be brave by refusing that stupid pumpkin loaf show more about what's healing in your heart even than the pounds that are melting off. You look wonderful -- each time I see you I'm amazed -- and I know you'll see her soon ... I love you forever.
ReplyDeletexo
A
SO proud of you! Way to GO!!! This was HUGE for you.
ReplyDeleteJust became a follower, so come on over and see me at city hen. Would love to be friends!
Happiness from Poland,
Rhonda
The battle is won one small victory at a time...keep up the good work...I too am trying to lose about 50-60 lbs...not an easy journey but one I know will make me feel so much better in ALL areas of my life!
ReplyDeleteCame over from Lissa's blog. Way to go on bypassing that treat from Starbucks! You've just inspired me to forego the treats someone brought in for their birthday! Hope you have a great day and a super week!
ReplyDeleteJanet
congratulations on your accomplishments so far!
ReplyDeletesometimes just the getting started is the hardest part
blessings to you
:)
Love your post... so well written and heartfelt. Good for you. I have that same "they are ________ than me" feelings sometimes. Hard to fight but congratulations on not caving in. I always stop and thank God for how he created me. My mantra.. "I will praise you for I am fearfully and WONDERFULLY made." Remember that. I will be coming back... Have a super day. :)
ReplyDeleteSo proud of you. It's pushing forward and being consistent, one craving at a time that leads to success. You are so motivational. My sweet friend Lissa led me this way...just might stay for a while:)
ReplyDeleteWay to Go!!! Dropped in from dropping in on Humble Pie & had to check it out! I lost over 60 pounds 4 years ago through exercise & giving up french fries ;)
ReplyDeleteMany, Many runs for me consist of praying & giving praises to God & he carries me thru!
KEEP ENCOURAGED, YOUR AMAZING!!!
I'm coming over from Lissa's blog!
ReplyDeleteI am also coming from a place of a previous eating disorder, (which I seldom talk about any more)and a place of near total restoration and healing, as well as balance. Well, in my opinion, as much as a woman living in this world can actually experience balance. (grin) Body issues and losing weight are so all consuming- but it's so possible to just lay it down and not see that person you once were when you look in the mirror. It just takes time and lots of practice!
Good for you for working the situation through! It's so hard.
Blessings on the journey!
Sasha
It is the day to day battles in whatever we are facing that shapes us. Way to go to say no to the things on that day that would have made you feel worse....especially because it was the harder decision. Congratulations on your AMAZING accomplishments so far and so glad that Lissa led us to you:-)
ReplyDeleteI do not know you, but am soooooo proud of you!!! Have been there as well, and know the feeling of victory as well as defeat. Good job!!! stay strong!
ReplyDeleteHello! I too, am a stranger ... in fact I don't even know how I stumbled across your blog. :) You are a gifted writer; & have so much to share which will help others in their weight loss journey. I'm not sure if you are a listener of Focus on the Family, but they aired a recent program you would probably enjoy very much (on the subject of weight loss). focusonthefamily.com and the air date was 1/5/10 (chantel hobbs)
ReplyDeleteWishing God's best for you! Hannah
This is awesome!!! I have had some touchy moments when the stress was so incredible that the only thing I could think of was stuffing myself with food. In my journal I probably wrote at least 50 times "Food will not make it better". Once I felt I had control of the situation again, I put the journal down and was proud for not giving in.
ReplyDeleteGreat job Suzann!!!
ReplyDeleteHannah - thank you! I love Focus on the Family! I will check it out!